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January 25 UNCLEJII always felt that I was 42 from the age of 13?! I aged too early too quickly. If I were to objectively reflect back, I would hold my circumstances of early childhood responsible. So many issues, that there is no point of bringing them up now. Moreover, they are not issues any longer, but I am aware that at that time, they acted like catalysts, to take away the child bit in my mind. Brain, I wouldnt say so though! I was silly, dumb and had to work hard to do well in school! Well, thats another story!
However, I felt I was 42 from the age of 13, I would say! Which in simpler terms means I felt old and mature when I should have been feeling all young and reckless! Hence, I would gaze out of my window at boys my age shouting and screaming on the streets arguing about whether it was a bowled out or not, wondering why they were being so idiotic! Textbooks made a lot of sense to me and so did giving exams! I would be a cool and composed student just before an exam unlike my other friends who ahd crammed a day or so before the judgment day and hence, were then shitting in their pants! I got entrusted with responsibilities in school and college, because everybody trusted my maturity and sense of duty and blah and blah....you get the drift! I was truly an Uncleji from the age of ...13, did I say?
It was only when I got into teaching at the young age of 21, that my eyes opened to childhood...which also got me reflecting in a great deal on my past experiences as a child...very few nice ones which I could remember. Working with children as young as 8 and 9 and seeing them grow up in a remotely isolated, boarding school, made my heart twinge...were these children also going to grow up like unclejis in their teens? They had to wash their own underwear, make their own beds, pack their bags, manage their home work and hence, I was constantly forced to look at the mirror of my childhood...seeing my own reflection in similar conditions! It was then that I determined two things...
a) I would try and preserve and nurture the childish innocence in these children.
b) I would try and reimbibe this childish innocence in my being
This is more about how b) has worked in my life!
I have been teaching now for the last decade and as I reminisce, I can remember observing the kids so closely, in their simple acts of play, fun and joy! Chasing a big black ant with a twig or trying to echo into a well, or simply gazing at the textbook without registering a word! Everything in life was play centred. Everything was an exploration too, without past baggage, guilt or ego! Amazing! As I spent more and more years, I began to cultivate these qualities of the mind, not taking myself seriously and not taking the world so seriously. Smiling and laughing a lot, running around and jumping about aimlessly! Observing carefully and yet not judging! Being kind and not suspecting people to be bad! I have suffered too on the way, because now I am an adult trying to be a child! But, the effort in the long run has paid off well. I discovered that the child has been inside me and not roaming outside like a refugee spirit! Cowering in a corner in fear. So, I had to let go of my fears! Some still remain, but the child inside is happier and smiles more often! It plays and enjoys life in its many moments. It is free and happy on the whole!
Inspite of all these wonderful developments, I would cringe every year on my birthdays, mourning because I was one year older! People would be astonished at my reactions, especially my wife, who rejoices every year, as she is turning closer to 40! I would also feel depressed every time I lost one more shining black strand of my hair to whitehood! The worst blow came the other day. A 19 year old son of a close friend, saw me for the first time and said "Good Morning Uncle!" Gosh, this couldn't have been real! Im not even as old looking as either the friends of my age or even the model from the Godrej hair dye ad! Uncle! I told the lad, that I was closer to his age than his mom's...he just smiled and said...to me you are always an uncle!!! So much for my ego. As you can see the struggle is endless!
Now, at 31 and having been a father for almost two years and being married for almost ten, I do feel old...and I feel justified about that. But somewhere deep down I hate it...because I grew up when I was...what was it? 13! So, I dont know what to take into account...my mental age which is 42! Or my chronological age which is 31? The tussles in my mind continue and will continue till I break even? Will I start feeling younger from my 43rd birthday, when my chronological age will be more than my mental age! Maybe that is when I shall discover the fountain of youth! Till then, I will keep counting!
January 22 Roots dug deepSolid branches, green and leafy
Wave goodbye to the sunny air,
A chill runs down the trunk
To the soil, troubled yet fair.
The roots dug deep,
Into the Buddhaland,
Every drop it seeps
And more it gives back.
Alas! It is time
To uproot these bonds,
Replant the tree
Elsewhere strong.
Where the barren shall be turned,
Into land divine.
New roots deep,
Yours and mine.
January 18 Come, play with me!Many breaths later, I walk into my old secret garden. Only to find that someone has been here, trimming and taking care, beautifying it for me...just to remind me how precious this garden is. Drowning away the buzz of the hustle bustle, is my breathing, deep and still, as I soak in all the memories and ready myself to plant a few more seeds and witness the blooming of a few more flowers. Come, play with me in my garden! AAMIR IN GHAJINIAs I read newspaper articles reporting the nightmare some children have been seeing, post viewing Ghajini, many thoughts that winced to surface while I saw the movie, got crystallised. What are the problems with the film? Many in my mind.
First of all, in Bollywood, this is probably the first time a movie has been named after the villain. In today's day and time, when even Spiderman is exploring his dark side, is it out of place? Maybe not. But is it necessary and could this pompous promotion of the negativities in life be avoided? Surely, yes!
As the movie began with its gory scene of a man leaking blood like a faucet, literally picturised with the cause of death being a violent stabbing with a broken, rusted tap, my stomach turned. I have been a fan of Kill Bill and yet the mix of crudeness and reality in the portrayal of this violent murder as the first 'item murder' if we could call it so, made me sit back and wonder. What we have done with sex and sexuality in the media in recent times, are we going the same way with violence? Glorifying and trivialising it, like a mere routine of buying potatoes. Sexual liberation..yes, many would agree the country needed it. But against the backdrop of recent terrorist acts of unpardonable violence, do we need to celebrate such violence? For commercial success, no cause is not worth pursuing and the moolah that this movie has raked in may make the producers turn a blind eye to the impact of such a movie on youth and their impressionable minds. But morally are we being justified?
Further still, if the bile did not rise to your stomach till the interval, then Asin's unimaginably horrific death made me yelp and turn my face away! Why such brutality? The villain seemed like a regular run of the mill Bollywood antihero and in that one instant, he was transformed into the cold hearted incarnation of the Devil! However, somehow it is the act itself that has stayed with me and not his character, as the development of Ghajini thereafter doesn't remind us of his devilishness, as he steps back into the role of a more off the street gangster!
It is Aamir's bold acting and unstoppable memory losses and Asin's bubbly and chirpy portrayal, (that made me all nostalgic about Sridevi), that carry the film forward. Why Aamir chose to do this role is beyond me, especially when the movie had a U/A certification? What were the members of the censor board doing while they saw the film...too busy with popcorn...or is this kind of violence commonplace in their lives? If not why make it seem ordinary in our lives? And more so, we are so worried about protecting our children from seeing two adults smooch, an expression of love, but we are so ok about letting them witness gross acts of hatred, repeatedly showcased in this movie. All in the name of short term memory loss, almost like a needle of a gramophone record that gets stuck at the negativities of the human mind and Aamir's mind.
In the end, on one hand, I empathise with the parents of all these children seriously traumatised by the visuals. On the other, are we not as adults to blame? For allowing such deep rooted seeds of hate to be planted in the subconscious of society! The Aamir in Ghajini is definitely not the Aamir from TZP and definitely not the Aamir I so dearly admire! |
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